u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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