OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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