Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
