Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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