Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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