let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
