I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
"it" just moved
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
