I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
