I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
