you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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