I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize