Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Shame - the story of my life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
