i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
