The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
