What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
