I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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