pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
