I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
