You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
