I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
