I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
