I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
