he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
