May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
