If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
