This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
