I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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