Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
