my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
