he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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