Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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