Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize