I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
