What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize