Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
