Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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