Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
