Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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