O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i think my cat just said my name.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize