why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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