I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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