He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
bring money and cleavage
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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