i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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