My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize