no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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