I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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