she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
