I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
