I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
