Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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