I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
