Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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