I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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