I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
