It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
