You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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