is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Who died my cat blue again?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
