I think i peed on brittanys purse
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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