i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
