CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
