I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
