I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
