im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
