why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize