So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
