Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
