After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
