I think I died a long time ago.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
