Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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