How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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