There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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