Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
