Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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