His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize