I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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