fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
