Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
