Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
