Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
