I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
