Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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