That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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