Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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