Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
