I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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