I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize