Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
