if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
