Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
