Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
