I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
