he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
foreskin is a definite game changer
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i think my cat just said my name.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
