i think i have two assholes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
