I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
