Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
