Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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