I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize