I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
