today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
