I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
