This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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