so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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