Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize