remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
