We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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