I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
