Im at strip club and am horny
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How's work?
Spinning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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